Planning Your Own Funeral

In the moments after your death, your family will be flooded with emotions.  Alongside their grief and sadness, they may also feel anxious about what to do next in planning for a memorial service, especially if they are not members of a religious community.  There’s not much you can do to keep your loved ones from their grief, but you can ease their anxiety by making your wishes known in advance.. 

It is important to keep in mind, however, that this funeral is not for you.  First, it’s an act of worship - praising God for the gift of life and the promise of resurrection.  Worship is about God, not you. 

Second, funerals are for the care of those who are gathered in their grief, and you won’t be there.  The grace with which we share our preferences, but also give our loved ones space to grieve and worship in their own way, is one of the ways that we can continue to show our love for them after we’re gone.  We want to give them enough information to make this easy on them, but not so much detail that they feel burdened by it.  Here’s an example. We might let our loved ones know that Be Thou My Vision is one of our favorite hymns.  That’s helpful information.  We’d be going past helpful to say that we want the surviving members of our high school Barbershop quartet to sing Be Thou My Vision at our service.  Do you see the difference?  One of those is helpful, and one of those requires a lot of work on their part to pull off.  Let’s lean toward being helpful. 

With that in mind, this is the information that is often helpful in planning for any kind of service following a death. I suggest a simple cut and paste of these questions into an email that you can work on over a few days or weeks, and then send directly to those who will likely be tasked with planning your service. They don’t even have to read it right now, they can just keep it in their email until the day comes when they need it.

May God bless you as you answer these questions. May you know peace that passes understanding as you think about your loved ones following your death, trusting that God will be holding them and comforting them, even as you are celebrating at the Great Banquet.

Full name as you’d like it printed :

Today’s Date:

Your Birthdate:

Memorial/Funeral Service Planning

What are your favorite hymns or songs of faith?  

What scriptures have been most meaningful to you?  

Who should officiate the service? (Reminder to loved ones - contact the pastor BEFORE you schedule/publicize the service to confirm their availability.)

Is there anyone else you’d like to participate in the service? This is a good place to mention anyone else you would like to give a remembrance or if you want to specify pallbearers.   

Are there any special traditions (cultural, military, fraternal orders) that you would like observed?

Is there anything you DO NOT want in the service? 

Where should the memorial service be held? At your church? At the funeral home? Graveside? (Reminder to loved ones – confirm service times and locations BEFORE sharing details on social media or an obituary.)

Burial Planning

Do you have preferences about whether you would like your remains to be embalmed, cremated, etc?  

Do you have preferences about where your remains should be placed?  

Have you already communicated with a church/funeral home about your burial wishes?  

Have any payments been made?  

If loved ones want to give a gift in your memory, would you prefer flowers or memorial gifts?  What organization would you like to support with memorial gifts?

 What contact information would be helpful to your loved ones?  

Church -  

Funeral Home -  

Cemetery -

Estate Lawyer - 

Others - 

OBITUARY INFORMATION

Is it important to you to have an obituary? (Even if it is NOT important to you, this information could be very helpful to your family, especially if a pastor you don’t know will be officiating the service).

If yes, where would you want it shared?  

Your parents’ names:

Your siblings’ names: 

List school names, degrees obtained, and years you attended: 

Think about your work, either paid or unpaid. What makes you feel most proud?  

What organizations have you been involved with that you would want others to remember?  

What sports or recreational activities have brought joy to your life?  

Have there been honors or awards that you would want to highlight?  

What has the church meant to you?  Are there classes or groups that have been especially meaningful?  Are there leadership/service roles that you would like to be  remembered?  

Well done. You did it. Now share it with your loved ones.

JWY